Friday, June 8, 2012


man walking at night through a moon lit way

I have friends, a lot in fact, they were always nice to me, loved me and stood near me when ever needed, but I felt all alone and detached. A little did I know that I created a barrier between me and others, the one through which not even my parents could pass, the one which made me fall in love with loneliness. It felt like dark and cold inside, as if I am not needed in this world, as if I am dead. Four walls surrounded me, I can’t see beyond them, only darkness all around, they are closing in fast now; soon I won’t be able to move and there won’t be much air left for me to breath. All trapped in and counting, my heart beat which I could hear as clearly as a bass drum, counting and counting as it is slowing down, felt dizzy and will fall soon into sleep, my last sleep from which I won’t wake up, remembering the biology lessons as a jock, humans need oxygen to survive and the jock remains that I don’t want to survive. It wasn't hard for me though, to give up, living a life was hard but leaving it, as easy as an eye blinks. Is it selfish to think like this, I don’t know and who is there to tell me otherwise.   
Tears roll down from the eye side

A lightning struck me on my chest; it pierced in and hit the heart. I opened my eyes with a heavy inhale of air and a thrust of white light into it, hurting it, forcing me to shut it tight. After few seconds I opened my eyes slightly and could see some white coats and each having a face above it, none familiar. I was lying on a bed, all sweaty and breathing heavy. Was it a dream, I wondered, dream or not, I searched among the faces frantically for the ones that are familiar to me, that of my parents, my brother, my love, my friends but none was there. All my life they were always there to help when I was in need, but I refused them and didn't even appreciate what they were doing for me, I was arrogant and more over stupid. And now look at me, lying in a bed surrounded by strangers and searching for their faces, I wanted all of them by my side; I wanted to say sorry to them for being so selfish, for realizing this late what wonderful life I had. “Oh god, what have I done”. It’s true that there is none better than you to understand yourself, but if you want an inspiration to life, a purpose for living, then you need all your loved ones. I understand it now, how much I needed them, my family, my love, and my friends they all tried their best to make me understand why this life is so beautiful but I couldn't and it is too late now. I am falling to sleep again, now I know what is real, I am going to die.  As I closed my eyes, tears rolled down from the ends of my eyes wetting my pale skin.

P.S : Dedicated to my late loving friend D.K.V.

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